A chocolate coin company email’d me asking for a quote for a new website.
I told them my price, and they said “Can we pay in Chocolate coins? They’re better than real money, they’ve got chocolate inside too!”
Clients From Hell
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2010-03-10
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I really like the CD cover you made, but my guitar looks out of tune.
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2010-03-09
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Client: “I googled my name and there is some nasty stuff about me on the Internet. There is this guy saying in his blog that I am an idiot. I want you to remove that blog and block the Internet if they write shit about me.”
Us: “We cannot do that.”
Client: “Well, get someone else to do it then. I want every nasty stuff about me removed from the Internet today, and make sure nobody can write bad things about me. I want you to control the Internet.”
Us: “We can’t control it and neither can you.”
Client: “Right, if you won’t do it I’ll find someone who will.”
Us: “Good luck, let us know if you succeed.”
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The client calls around 9 PM on a Saturday evening. When I don’t answer, he calls back 8 more times in rapid-fire succession. I e-mail him from my phone, figuring this was an urgent problem.
Me: “I’m not available at the moment as Saturday evening is not regular business hours. What’s the problem?”
Client: “Please check our Website; it is not working AGAIN.”
[I go to the website and it’s down. Looking into the matter, it seems like the domain name has expired. The domain name was registered by his organization, so my company had absolutely no control over it.]
Me: “We did some research that indicates that the registration may have run out. Your organization registered and managed the domain name, so I can’t help with this since we have no involvement in managing the domain name.”
Client: “[very angry] I am reading your email in disbelief. You are the webmaster - how can there be an aspect of our website that you have no control over?”
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2010-03-08
Our planes don’t break
Here are some comments I have received from a major international airline while working on their commercial.
The TVC featured close-up CGI shots of the planes in flight with camera moving around the plane bodies to reveal logos etc.
The planes can’t fly backward. The camera must always move from the tip of the plane towards the back.
I revised the camera movement, but still kept the shots in close-up.
The planes are broken. Our planes don’t break. Only use the shots where the entire plane is visible on the screen, otherwise it looks like parts of the plane are missing.
I suppose if I have shown them a passport photograph they would interpret it as “this man’s head has been cut off”.
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Client: “I don’t want the green to have any yellow in it.”
Us: “You’d like something more blue instead?”
[Five minutes of silence.]
Client: “No, I want a green without any yellow in it.”
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2010-03-07
There is too much text, please concise it.
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I’m so glad I found someone that could make the internet.
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2010-03-06
I do know a lot of people who will do it for free, so please hurry up.
