Client: “Hmmm, could you make it bigger?”
Me: “That’s what she said.”
Client: “You’re out.”
Clients From Hell
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2010-02-08
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2010-02-07
The site is broken. When I’m on the home page and I click the back button, it takes me to another site.
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Me: “…and that concludes my design presentation.”
Client: “We don’t like your colors. Let’s look at Microsoft.com”
Me: “See, you don’t want Microsoft colors. They signify ‘safe’, ‘typical’, ‘normal’…”
Client: “Yes! That’s it. Thanks.”
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If you’re going to charge me 40$ an hour to make my website I would like to install a camera in your office so I’m 100% sure you don’t bill me for hours where you’re not working.
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Me: “It’s going to take approx. 150 hours.”
Them: “Can you do it half that?”
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I used to design for a client that measured everything by the thickness of his thumb. “Could you please move it 1 1/4 thumbs to the left?”
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I’m only willing to pay $10/hour, I know all of the programs are free.
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2010-02-06
I did a promotion for a local mineral-water producer.
At the final presentation he said: “Well I think 0 calories still sounds like too much. The target group should drink it cold so it has negative calories because the body has to heat the water.”
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Super file name
Client: [Changed the source in a CMS] “I changed the file name to ‘logo-blue.png’ and it didn’t change to blue. It turned into a small box with a red X in it. Have you broken it?”
Me: “…”
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Thrown under the bus
I was designing a brochure that would show transitions from old computer technology to new to show how far the company I was working for had come and how “cutting edge” it was(n’t). In one part of it I had used an illustration of an old computer that had a black screen with green type on it. My supervisor had never said a word about it the entire time and encouraged my design stating that it was brilliant. I was brought into a meeting to present it to his boss…
Me: “So here is the design [I proceed to explain it]”
Boss: [laughs a little] “How did you come up with this? No Computers have EVER had screens that were black with green text!”
Supervisor: “YEAH, what were you thinking?” [laughing hysterically]
I stared at both of them blankly and left the room after they were done mocking me.
Later on I approached my supervisor…
Me: “So, I didn’t want to embarass you both at the meeting but…” [I hand him a paper with a list of models of computers that had this “feature”]
Supervisor: [Turns red] “Yeah, I knew that I didn’t want to say anything.”
Me: “…”
